My husband's neediness is getting our of control

My husband is disabled with ME/CFS, long covid, POTS and ADHD. He needs me in basically everything. Showering him, feeding him, providing for him, taking care of the house etc. It is very draining. He cannot go outside that much. No friends, no connections. I have to make sure he eats and drinks or he won't do those. Same with brushing his teeth. He has meltdowns and flips and I have to calm him down.

The thing is that his father is similar. I wouldn't care otherwise but they are copypastes of eacj other. His father has has cancer but has been cancer free for a long time. My husband's father does not do laundry, does not cook, does not let my husband's mother sleep or anything. Literally his mother does his dad's FREELANCING WORK for him because he cannot work or he will gl crazy. Basically same as my marriage.

I do not get anything from this marriage. Working is my safe place. My husband needs my attention and serving 100% the time. We have dead bedroom. Well for me, not for him. He always complains for the handjobs being not kinky enough. I've communicated many times my sexual needs. 3 mins and vibrator could be enough but he does not care.

He has this weird thing for "teasing" me. He drives me nuts with it. It is systematic mental torture of him causing me neuropathic pain due to my conditions, making me tic (i have tourette's) and forcing me to talk and communicate when I am overwhelmed. He babbles like a small kid. He did this teasing to his dog when he was a kid and the dog always started growling at him.

I love him but how can I make him realise it does not work this way. I have never received a birthday present on my birthday from him and it makes me sad. Obviously he relies 100% on my money but I could have given him some money to spend on me but no...

How can I fix this marriage? I can't take it anymore.