I gave up everything for a guy. What happened next?

Hi all! I would like to share my story.

I moved to another country because of my boyfriend 3 years ago. We were in a long distance relationship for longer than 2 years. Now we are both over 20. We met by chance on the Internet, then corresponded for half a year, just as acquaintances. I lived 10,000 km away from him. He lived in Germany, but he is still Russian by nationality, and I lived in Russia. Then he admitted that he fell in love and that’s how it all began. We started seeing each other once every six months. Neither of them had any relationship experience before this. At first everything was like most people. He promised that he would make me happy, that I would be better off in Germany with him, that he loved me very much, etc. And at that time I was in college. When we saw him in person, everything was really fine. In the end, I believed him, took it and left everything. Well, what do you want from an 18 year old girl? Now I understand that it is my own fault. But in general, at this age, few people have a head. Although this probably all happened because I am an orphan. As a child, my parents abandoned me and I had no friends, because my family was very poor and therefore everyone considered me different from others in a bad way. I was too downtrodden, silent, afraid of everyone and everything and embarrassed. And so, for the first time, when I received attention, I strongly clung to it, as to the hope of being needed and loved by someone. But during the time that I was waiting to move in with him, I fell into severe depression, to the point of suicidal thoughts, so I started seeing psychotherapists. The depression probably started because I felt very lonely without him. Then, during the process, it turned out that he was a porn addict. I almost went crazy then. I don’t know why, but I continued to fight, trying to get him to get rid of his addiction. I spent a lot of nerves and energy on this and yet I succeeded. But my nervous system was clearly not in order. Not only was there depression from loneliness, but his history of addiction also increased. But my stupidity was so great at that time that I still did not break up with him and continued to fight.

 In the end, what do you think? I dropped out of college and went to get a certificate at a Russian evening school, because I needed to finish my studies so that I could enroll somewhere in Germany. I studied there for 9 months. They treated us there quite interestingly, the director constantly told us verbatim, “That we are nobody and there is no way to call us,” (evening schools are considered in Russia for those who are behind), but I could only get an improved certificate there. I endured all this for 9 months for the sake of “love”. Then I really believed in the fairy tale that I was loved and that I would not be alone.

 Later I received a certificate. To obtain a visa, I traveled for a couple of days by train there and back by train to another region. I also found quite a few adventures there. Then I lived for some time in Russia with his friends. At this time, I was learning the language and preparing to move.

He did not have his own home. He himself lived with his mother, but tried to move out. Therefore, I had to go to voluntary service in a nursing home, because they wouldn’t hire me for work or study without speaking my language. Although I studied the language in Russia, I had no speaking practice. There they provided me with free housing and food in exchange for my work and gave me some pocket money.

I worked there for a long time, was able to learn the language and went to study. I still love my colleagues very much. They became my family. His mother liked me. Soon he managed to find a job and we moved in together. But before we had time to move in together, some strange things began to happen on his part. He was constantly lying down, although his work, as far as I know, was not physically difficult. As it turned out, he has no interests, no hobbies, that he drinks energy drinks and cola by the liter, and always eats pizza. Willpower 0, character 0, aspirations are few. He says he wants money. And I sit and don’t understand why a person who doesn’t want anything and isn’t interested in anything needs money. If I ask you to go for a walk with me, he either never wants to, or goes with a sour expression on his face. If I ask you to buy something inexpensive for me, he says, “Won’t it make you fat?” or that everything is expensive. He had no intention of marrying me. That is, how can I make a fool of myself - ok, but how can I get married and take responsibility for my words and promises - no. He said that marriage is slavery. If I want to talk, tell or discuss something with him, he immediately says that he is not interested in all this, although I am not a talkative person. I don’t see anything difficult in listening to me sometimes. As a result, it seems to me that I seem to be living with someone, but essentially I’m alone again. He's just a vegetable... there are simply no words. I have suffered from depression for half my life, but I am still much more alive than he is. A person is empty, dependent, without interests, who will never get off the couch, who always wants to be in his comfort zone. He never wants to help me around the house, he always has to say something. If you ask him why he didn’t go to the store, he answers, “You didn’t tell me.” I answer him, “But the fact that I’m on shifts at work and I don’t have any time or energy, and the refrigerator is completely empty doesn’t mean anything to you at all?” He just orders pizza and cola and lies back. Over time it got even worse. He started telling me, “Shut up, you fool, you’re sick of me, leave me alone, you want to punch me already.”

He also began to have outbursts of aggression; he could hit the wall with his fist when he was emotional. In general, he gave me a wonderful, happy life. I told his mother about the situation, she talked to him, and he stopped insulting me. But he still remained the same indifferent, indifferent person. He lies and lies on his phone, he never needs anything. Why he lives and goes to work at all is not clear. Over the years with him, I went on medication, but now, unfortunately, I can’t live without it. He did almost nothing for me. When I started talking about it, he replied that I was just, like all women, dripping on his brain, that I had nothing more to do.

After 5 years of torment, I finally got my head back and decided to leave. Having learned about this, he began to insist that he would change, now he sometimes goes to a psychologist, but there is still no use. Sometimes he tries to do something, but he feels that all this is not sincere and that he does not need all this. There is no point in expecting anything here.

In general, this story is coming to an end. I'm currently looking for housing to move away from him. Overall, there are some positives to this story. I found friends in this country, became much more sociable and self-confident, started studying and now I help people. I began to value myself more and learned many banal but valuable lessons for the rest of my life - never try for the sake of others if you don’t get an answer from the other side and don’t cling to other people if they don’t value you, never believe words, but believe actions, love yourself, don’t look for the meaning of life only in relationships, but look around, and don’t be afraid of loneliness. It’s better to be alone all your life than to kill yourself like that for someone. I don’t know if I will find a person who will truly appreciate and love me and if I will even find the courage to start a new relationship. But I know that I will stay here in Germany and start my life again.