I don't think I can do it anymore

I just, I can't. I can't live in this house with my family who will never see me as anything but already dead, as their little 8 year old girl from 10 years ago. I'm chronically ill and all I ever am is tired. I'm depressed and burnt out, and I'm a peice of shit, and I don't think I have it in me to pull myself up by my bootstraps, out of the inevetable poverty when I finally have to leave, to take the opportunities I have (even if they are dwindiling in number or significance). I sit and stare at my computer instead of working or studying. I don't do enough to help myself because I'm just too tired.

And I know how I'd do it, and I have the tools. I tried once before and it almost worked. I just need the right time, and I think in a week and a half, I'll have the perfect storm to finally do it. I know I'll hurt those I love, and I'm so so sorry for that, but I just don't have it in me to fight, and my future is so bleak, and I just, don't have it in me. I know death is infinite, I know theres no releif in it, but really, its my only option anymore. Its just logical, you know?