take it or leave it

How would you feel if your boyfriend said to you "you want to be with me stay, if you want to leave that's fine" during a heated argument with talks of the relationship not working out? not trying to type a whole detailed post about our history or how we got here but just generally this phrase is lingering in my mind.

me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months, during the first month he got into a terrible motorcycle accident. 9 months before that I lost my dad to a motorcycle accident, he was my best friend and the only man that ever truly loved me for everything i am. When my boyfriend called me the morning of the accident he got sent to the hospital that my dad died in and then get emergency vacced to Philly.

The next month and a half I visited 3-4 times a week, made sure to wash his face and help brush his teeth, we would have movie nights and sleepovers and I was and am still thankful he is alive. I talked him through getting out of bed for the first time (he broke his back and multiple other bones), I talked him through why PT was important and I put all my trauma and bullshit aside because this was not about me. Once he gets home from the hospital things slowly but harshly came crumbling down. we live about 45 minutes away and from may to august I drove to him (cause he obviously couldn't drive) every single weekend sometimes twice in the weekend because I have animals to take care of at home.

Throughout the past couple of months, it has been hard to keep a consistent temperament between the both of us. We have argued about everything under sun and there seems to be major disconnect. I ask for him to show up for me in ways that are reasonable like an extra "hun" or "i love you" in a text if I'm feeling down (physical affection is my love language but it's not feasible due to the driving distance) but sometimes he says he's not emotionally available to give me more than what he is. I myself am not perfect, I recently got sober again before dating him and my emotions from grief and throughout recovery were harsh. I had to relearn how to communicate to a partner, how to show love and not smother and how to just be a person again.

A part of me thinks we are both going through too much to heal through anything but I am generally devasted after so much.. him saying that makes me feel like I'm the only one who is will to fight for the love we have, and how many beautiful moments we shared even in the darkest. But anymore, he is so depressed and in pain from the accident that so much about us and our relationship has changed. I love taking care of him and would gladly do so for the rest of my life, but I feel like I'm not wanted, or appreciated or worth effort because of what he went through.