Help putting baby to sleep without nursing? ** Very unsustainable sleep situation.

Let me start out by saying I do not want to do any form of cry it out. I would rather get no sleep than have my baby crying in her crib alone. I am comfortable with holding her while she cries but would obviously prefer no tears / some sort of happy transition, if one is possible.

Our current situation is …. not great. Baby is 17 mo, not the best eater, worst sleeper in the history of time, and very interested in nursing.

Our average evening post- daylight savings time is this:

• she gets home from daycare around 5:30,
• my husband tries to feed her dinner and she sometimes eats but usually picks or refuses
• I stop working at 6 and play with her and try to get her to eat more. Sometimes we do bath
• 7ish I bring her upstairs and we do Jammie’s, teeth, and books
• from this point forward I shut out lights and nurse her (since she won’t take cup or bottle, just boob) until she asks to eat enough times.
• in the past I ignored her but she’d wake more often if she didn’t have a fuller belly, so now I have my husband bring up an apple or banana and she eats that in bed (I don’t let her leave the room because then she’ll just say eat to get out of bedtime)
• after she’s done with bed fruit we then resume nursing until she finally gets sleepy then falls asleep. Used to take an hour, can now sometimes take as long as until 10 or 11 if she’s really not sleepy.

If I nurse her she’ll silently nurse and lay there the entire time, in my opinion trying to fall asleep but not being tired. If I do anything else she talks to me / herself, plays with things (my hair, her feet, the burp cloth, etc.) then eventually gets more riled up and wants to get up or asks for wheels on the bus or more books.

I’ve tried earlier and later bedtimes and no matter what time I start it pretty much always seems to take this long. Obviously this is wicked unsustainable. I’d also like to be done breastfeeding now but since nursing is the only lever I have to get her to bed, I’m terrified to give it up and be left with no idea how to put her to sleep.

Any and all suggestions that don’t have me leaving her alone crying would be welcome. Especially looking for how people who fed their kids to sleep transitioned away from that. Thank you in advance for your help!!