Depression/Anxious Attachment

7 months in, I am reeling into how unhealthy I have coped with breakup and how impatient I was, making a huge decision in a spur of a moment that cost me some of the most precious beings I owned, cats.

For someone who can hardly keep the emotions from the surface, when something hits me emotionally deeply, I isolate. In this case, I have not spoken for 2 months and I mean at all. I was with my cats, on sick leave, so depressed I was not leaving my appartment unless I had to buy food and alcohol. I did not even cross the street. I did not even know how deep my disassociation was. The whole world was a giant hole. I am trying to understand how anxious attachment manifests As someone with a latent interest even before my hospitalisation, I knew I had triggers and I can recognize them. Having started therapy almost 6 months after meeting him (knowing that having a first boyfriend at 30 is not that „normal“) I knew that to an extent I am yearning attention in all the wrong ways For the sake of conversation

-is 10 hours without any kind of follow up normal in a day knowing the person can type at work?

• „just because we are in a relationship does not mean we have to talk every day“ when… he can. And did problemlos.

-by the time I felt him losing interest I tried to voice it in a way that I miss the calls ( ldr for the last 6 months) he used to initiate.

-i cried from time to time during our calls and I apologised. He was kind and understanding. I tried to believe everything will be well but my mood still depended on the conversation.

I hate the fact that, in spite of being mentally /logically equipped to understand the anxiety, I ended up ruining a lot of it. I cannot help but say it fell apart.

Rehoming my cat I had for five years will be the worst thing that has come out and I have only myself to blame. One of them escaped and I was unable to find her before I moved back to my hometown. My neighbour said she was alive and well fed by someone near my entrance who has left water and different brands several time (she is a 5 yrs old house cat) but she did not see her since.

Thank you for coming to my DepAnx Talk.