Should I (f30) tell my bf(m34) that I am falling out of love with him?

We’ve been together for 4 years and this didn’t happen overnight.

It slowly happened over the course of the last 2 years when life got more responsibilities/stressors. And honestly? He has become hard to be around the majority of the time. I realized his default when stressed is a nasty attitude, and to take it out on people closest to him.

We’ve had so many talks about this, how he doesn’t want to be depressed, irritable, etc. that if I really knew “how much he loved me and what it’s like to be him”. But it’s not enough. He says he should go back to therapy, make an appointment, read a self help book… but he just goes straight back to playing games on his pc and drinking. He does very little with his life unless I drag him with me. He works from home, and spends his entire day at his desk or sleeping.

Speaking of which, our sex life has taken a major downswing. Like once every 1-2 months. He’s on ssri meds, but it was like this before the meds. I have been rejected so many times, and often in a cold/irritated way that I’ve shut down my drive. On the off chance he’s in the mood, I feel weird and dissociative the entire time. It’s hard to see him in a sexual lighting now, as self care has gone out the window and I just don’t feel close to him anymore. It’s not hot. It feels tense and like pity sex. I spend lots of my time wondering if this will ever change.

He’s less affectionate in general and often responds to my bids for attention in an annoyed way. “Jeez can’t you see I’m petting the cat? Move!” Or “I HAVE a headache? You should ask someone if it’s okay to sit next to them.” Just weirdly snappy and irritated. I’ve never… experienced this before. But it hurts. At this point I wouldn’t give him a hug from behind/peck on the cheek for fear I would anger him.

I’ve had many talks with him about this dynamic and wanting it to change, but it’s like when one things solved another pops up. Or he’s not perfect and is working on it. I don’t think he realizes how serious I am about not wanting to be in this if he can’t put some serious effort into changing.

I feel myself finding it harder and harder to come back from episodes when he’s depressed/antagonizing/cold. Sometimes if he’s kinder for a week or so I can feel myself “letting go” and feeling content again. But lately it’s been difficult and I think my brains just shutting down attraction towards him.

Is it okay to let him know that’s where I’m at? That I feel like if something doesn’t seriously change soon and show promise, I’m done? Idk if this will blow back in my face and do nothing but make him more upset/depressed. I just don’t like lying.

TLDR: bf is depressed/probably needs therapy to address childhood issues. Snappy, irritable, lack of self care, lack of sex life. He either hid it at first or he’s just spiraling. I need to know if it’s worth one more coming to god talk.