I now realize I'm finally living the life I envied

I was always envious of boys and how carefree they were, to the point where I would look at groups of boys in public so sourly. I wanted so bad to be one of the boys, and I fully was, but I was so upset I just could never truly be one of them. I mean boys who are just absolute clowns.

They're so casually funny. Sometimes loud, sure. They don't give a shit what other people think about them. Why don't they mind the space as much as I do? I'm funny too, but I mind my business, and I don't speak unless I'm spoken to, unlike these assholes. They just don't care about anything besides their own entertainment. They can crack jokes to absolute strangers while I have to worry about just making it through an interaction unharmed. Why do I have to take up as little space as possible while they get to treat the world as their sandbox? These thoughts plagued my mind and truly made me so depressed in public.

Nowadays I fully pass as cis. Not only that but I've grown a lot and developed a lot of coping mechanisms for my anxiety, and I've also developed a LOT of confidence. I fully understand now how to, and why, I deserve to take up as much space as I want. I have the male privilege and charisma I've always wanted to do it.

If I have something funny to say to a stranger, I say it, and guess what? It's funny to the people around me, because I'm fucking funny. If I feel like acting a funny way, I can do it, because now I finally can navigate the world with the confidence of the man I am. I'm a fucking hilarious person and I'm just so happy I can be myself and share myself with the world. I'm still a little shy, but god, society needs a harmless unhinged stranger who just makes you laugh.

It's not just T. Growing up undiagnosed autistic meant being put down for so many stupid little things I didn't understand. I was always just inherently weird and wrong. Over time I learned from my social blunders and learned how to put myself out there in a way that's more than just bare-minimum masking. I just don't have anxiety and gender dysphoria constantly breathing down my neck. Now I am stealth except for close friends, and I actually am one of the boys.

I just wanted to step back and appreciate the life that transition has given me, and the person it delivers to the people around me. Life is so worth living.