How to get over being gay when you live in the south.

I feel very frustrated with the fact that I’m a gay male and it’s really hitting me how annoying and hard it truly is and I’ve never not wanted to be gay but as I’m getting older I realize I hate it worse and worse and wish I were straight. I feel like all the other people in college around me are getting partners and living theirs lives to their fullest and I haven’t even held someones hand yet at 20. I know I’m attractive because I get hit on but only girls hit on me and not guys. I couldn’t even conceptualize asking a man out on a date, it makes my blood run cold to even think about it. But the worst part is how alone I feel, I know others have similar issues but not my dad or sister or friends. They don’t get that they have everything, every movie, book, story, posters, wedding ads, traditions, godamn billboards are of them kissing and loving each other, no boycotting or “I don’t mind it just why does it have to be in every show” bull crap. And I don’t know why it bothers me so much but it does like the world wasn’t made for me like I’m the odd thing. Like I’m a sick pervert for wanting to see two guys instead of a guy and a girl. I think it would be easier if I lived closer to a city or in a blue state so I could find other gay people and I have where I live but only a few and the majority were past co workers. I never even had the chance at love and it hurts and makes me feel hopeless. I don’t even have the balls to fully come out to my dad he just thinks I’m bisexual because that was easier to me then saying the word “Gay”. I just want to love someone and be happy and I don’t even know where to start it’s like a minefield and straight people just don’t get that. It sucks and if I could hit a button and be straight I would in a heartbeat.