I just don't know what to do. (Open to advice?)

My LE has lasted for almost 2 years. I'm sure there's been far longer among this subreddit but it's only recently I encountered such a term to adequately describe it

I'm shaking as I type this and I'm not sure why.

I met LO in early 2024 during a very bad period and immediately fell head over heels. I tried my hardest to speak to her and we became good friends. Trying my hardest to impress her I eventually realised this wasn't just a little crush but a genuine obsession. As soon as I could I began to stalk her Instagram, her mothers and what I would soon discover would be her partners. Upon discovering this i was distraught and the only times I've been able to cry in the last few years are over her. We've been talking frequently for ages and i know she considers me a friend, but everyday I hope and pray that things don't work out between them and I feel absolutely evil for it.

My every thought and action depends on her. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I have spiralled, broken down, and hurt myself entirely over her. A couple of times she has asked about whether she's the one I'm obsessed with and I've deflected it each time. I've turned to demonic deities and tarot readings just to see what the future holds for us and I only keep living because of the delusional hope that an opportunity may arise.

I feel so awful for this. She's her own person. I want her to be. But I can't stop wanting her all to myself. I wish she never met me. I wish I never met her. Sometimes I hate her for doing this to me, but I hate myself all the more for letting it happen. I'm on the verge of tears all over again just thinking about what I can't have and I hate how fucking disgusting it makes me feel. She's so supportive of me and everything that's wrong with me. My identity, my problems, my interests. She is utterly perfect to me and I cannot find a single flaw. I don't deserve her and yet I can't stop yearning for her. I'm so unstable and it all teeters on her. I don't know what to do. It's not good for me and it's even worse for her, she probably knows it's her and doesn't want to bring it up. I'm sure she hates me.