I’m terrified to poop.

Okay listen.

No one warned me that zofran puts a complete stop to your digestive system. Miralax? A small cup of black coffee? Ice cream (lactose intolerant baddies will get it)?

Forget about it, it’s not happening.

Zero action on aisle booty.

It has been well over a week since I’ve passed a bowel movement. I finally got prescribed reglan instead of zofran because zofran wasn’t touching my vomiting anyways—and now I’m scared to even take reglan because some people say it makes them poop. And y’all know the desperation of escaping the cycle of nausea. I have milk of magnesia with my name on it collecting dust on my bathroom counter (to be fair, I am so dehydrated that taking a laxative feels like playing roulette with my own colon. If I can’t keep down water how am I supposed to survive this??)

Anyways. Here I am. Staring at two medications I know will make me go. I have the pressure of a giants foot on my lower back because I know I need to. But my toes are literally going numb in terror at the thought of it.

I sense that my near future involves sitting on the toilet with a sick bowl in my lap.

Being pregnant is such a joy. 😭