I'm very scared.

Hello, everyone. Just a rant. I started having reflux symptoms this past october after very stressful events which lead me to worsening my diet (which was already bad). Then, one day I wake up feeling like there was lava in my stomach, throat felt like it was burning, and worse of all is that when I felt it "activating" (i'd wake up mostly fine), i'd feel fatigued. Almost like reality got heavier or something. Freaked out a lot, having had very bad anxiety throughout my life. It was almost like, i'd eat, i'd feel my throat would start to burn, i'd feel fatigue right after. Back in 2021, in very similar conditions (high anxiety, bad dieting) I had the same symptoms minus the fatigue. Searched about it, discovered GERD and then freaked out even more. Got on omeprazole for maybe three or four days before finally looking for a psychiatrist who described me some antidepressants (got diagnosed with OCD) . I think after maybe less than a week all my symptoms were completely gone! I stop taking omeprazole, and then after a bit more than a year I stop taking the antidepressant. The reflux never returned. So naturally I thought "hey, maybe if I hop back on the same medication I was before, this one will go away as well", except that it didn't. Throat still felt super irritated. I then buy a 20mg omeprazole pack and begin trying to treat it. Things got better a bit, I already didn't feel the "lava sensation" (I say it like that cause i'm not really sure if that was considered heartburn, it never hurt) for a while but i'd still feel a bit of indigestion. Throat got better also, but one day I catch the flu and all of the sudden I start feeling a mild nausea after eating and feeling like I had to take a shit. Then, next day, I had the brilliant idea of having a milkshake and then next morning I couldn't even eat breakfast without feeling fatigued and nauseous. I finally decide to have an appointment with a gastroenterologist, tell them my symptoms, they indicate for me to have an endoscopy but i'm just too scared of going through that, they understand it, so they say that if symptoms don't get better, we should consider having one either way after I return with them. They prescribe me voquezna and ever since then i'm taking them everyday. I'll list my symptoms with "used to have", "have" and "got better, but it is still there", and "wasn't a symptom".

Used to have: "lava sensation" in stomach/esophagus for maybe one or two days after symptoms started. Nausea after eating. Feeling like pooping. Indigestion. Bloatness

Got better, but it's sti there: Fatigue (it still happens from time to time. Today I had it after my breakfast for like 10 min, it got better afterwards). Throat burning (it got better after taking omeprazole for maybe a week, I then caught the flu right in the day It seemed to have ceased. Now it isn't burning anymore, but it feels a bit irritated, it comes and goes as well). I'd say indigestion but i'm not sure if I feel like it because i'm drinking tons of water even after eating and I feel like it just stays in my stomach.

Wasn't a symptom: gagging on acid, voice hoarseness, sour taste in mouth (I mean, my I keep trying to figure out if I got any taste in my mouth but i'm almost certain that whatever I feel when I try swallowing saliva is just anxiety driven), coughing. I can sleep just fine laying down flat, even on my stomach. I also had a burrito today, it had slices of tomatoes and some cream cheese I think, and I didn't have a flare up aside from the very mild throat irritation that comes and goes.

I'm just so, so scared of GERD, man. I don't wanna have to "manage" it, I don't wanna be dependent on PPIs or other acid supressors, I don't wanna feel this irritation in my throat anymore. I already have so many problems i'm dealing with right now, I just can't with one with this severity. It's been two months now and I don't know when this will stop. I want my life back.

The only good thing that came out from all of this is that i'm back on the gym after more than one year hiatus. I don't feel fatigue there, I basically don't feel irritation in my throat while i'm there also, i don't know why. I'm going ever since this started cause I also thought "well, i'm basically obese and sedentary, so dropping some pounds would probably help".

I also would like to apologize if this post come off as insensitive because my case doesn't seem to be as severe as some of you guys' and I lots of you guys have to deal with this thing. My heart goes out for you, no one should have to go through this.