A Mathematical Conundrum After the Math Academy Peril

Sometimes it just feels so perplexing, like my brain exists in two different worlds. I have never claimed to be a mathematician, and honestly this is not even a cry for help about learning, today I am just venting. I am 32, I have done well for myself in aerospace, automotive and tech, navigating CAD/ CAM software, running projects, solving real problems that actually matter. I know I missed a lot of fundamentals in school(Or just forgot), but I have built a career around complex systems, and I have held my own with engineers and managers. I read, I write, I love stories and history, and I feel like a pretty intelligent woman most days. But when it comes to academic testing, even at a fourth grade level, my brain just collapses and I feel stupid in a way that real life has never made me feel. It is bizarre how I can troubleshoot multi axis machining, coordinate teams, and deliver results, yet still stumble over basic math or spelling that I used to own. Lately I have been reading words wrong, forgetting rules I thought were permanent, and it has left me wondering how quickly I could get back to a college level understanding if I actually tried. I am not ashamed of who I am, but I am genuinely bewildered that someone who can command such technical complexity in the real world can still feel so undone by the simplest academic benchmarks. I just feel like I should at least be at a high school level, and it bothers me that I am not.

Even lately, when I am in group meetings, I struggle to keep up with the conversation. I can contribute, and I know I have valuable things to say, but my mind feels a step behind. It does not matter if it is fabrication, assembly, programming, or anything else I normally understand, I just sit there feeling like a deer in the headlights. It is frustrating because I know I am capable, but in the moment my brain goes quiet and I cannot process fast enough to speak with confidence.