Mom died. Suggestions for coping

Mom was 91. She died last night. I happened to come in as she seemed to be having a stroke. A couple minutes later she was gone.

Four years ago she tried to kill herself with an overdose. I got to her in time and afterwards she wanted to move to assisted living since she was living alone in her own home. I moved her to one, then she fell and broke her hip and laid in her room for hours. So moved her to an apt complex I live in. It was great because we could see each other every day and she could pick her caregivers. At times tho, she acted up, like refusing to get out of bed, not taking her meds, etc. Other times there was a lot of pressure on me like when a caregiver quit, etc. since I'm was the only one helping and had a full time job. I had to make sure she had her meds, I paid her bills, etc. etc.. At times it would overwhelm me and I would yell at her. (She was hard of hearing, but...) She blamed me when my two older sisters cut off all communication 2 years ago. I had no relationship with them for years because like mom, they were abusive. I forgave mom for being physically, emotionally, psychologically abusive to me as a kid. She had mental health issues that she never got help for. I started to understand the severity of her issues as I spent more time with her the last five years.

Last weekend she started blaming me again, and said she didn't want me coming over in the morning or evening to cook meals. So I stayed away for a couple of days. The night she died was the first day in three that I was coming over to see her. I feel guilty I didn't get over there sooner to see her before she died. I didn't get to really say goodbye. I also feel guilty for the times I would yell at her. She was just this sad, vulnerable little elderly lady that had no one else. It was sad.

Now I can barely keep it together. I frequently break out crying. I miss her so much since in reality it was work and take care of her since Covid. Even though she had caregivers it was a lot of work.

Anyone who has gone through the death of a parent, what did you do to cope? What were some things that really helped with the guilt, sadness, loneliness? What would you recommend a person do knowing what you now know? Thanks for any ideas/suggestions you can share.