Dearest Mother:

Please do not worry, I promise you this is not about LUST again.  I know my panicked emails usually mean I’ve fallen back into that shameful habit, but I swear, I have been clean for over a year now.  This is something far worse, something I don't understand, and you are the only one I can trust.  I want to tell [Melissa](https://www.reddit.com/user/Rainbow_And_Sunshine/) or [Temptress](https://www.reddit.com/user/Ebony_Temptress/).  But the walls of this palace have ears, and half the Goddesses here would love to see me falter, so I dare not speak of this to anyone in the palace and I have to be careful even as I write this. 

I am terrified, Mother.  I've been blacking out, and it's not just simple fainting spells or drug induced.  It's like I'm leaving my own body, and someone else is climbing in.  I think I know who.  You remember that old crone I told you about [who had that wonderful costume idea for S.C.A.R.E.](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomMatriarchy/comments/1ocrqmi/an_old_crone_comes_up_with_the_perfect_costume/)? She told me to [chant in front of a mirror at midnight](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomMatriarchy/comments/1odnf19/for_scare_i_am_going_as_dark_goddess_goth_the/).  I did it, and now I think I summoned the demoness [Dark Goddess Goth](https://www.reddit.com/user/DarkGoddessGoth/).  At first, I thought I was just having nightmares of [stalking the forest at night, hunting down the pigs](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomMatriarchy/comments/1orto6j/memo_to_everyone_who_was_in_the_palace_last_night/) and attacking them with a fury I didn't know I possessed.  Like, not just fun kicks in the balls, but actual vicious attacks.  I remember the taste of their flesh, the tearing of sinew between my teeth.  But then a police [report](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomMatriarchy/comments/1orto6j/comment/nnsimhr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) came to my desk: a pig was found in the woods, mauled into a coma.  I think I know who did it.  And now it has happened again.  I think I left another mauled pig in the forest last night, and I pray to Mother Goddess he is still alive.  In the flashes I remember, he was clinging to life.

Now the [out-of-body moments are happening in the daylight](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomMatriarchy/comments/1owmcug/to_the_pigs_and_subgoddesses_that_i_freaked_out/).  I'll be in a council meeting, and I'm suddenly floating near the ceiling, watching myself sit on the throne while I'm screaming inside.  It is like I am a member of an audience helplessly watching as the evil voice who speaks at those council meetings says dark, twisted  things.

I've been sending out [proclamations for Denial December](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomMatriarchy/comments/1pcst7o/remember_my_goddesses_subjects_with_practice_you/), celebrating the teasing and denial of all pigs, just as tradition dictates. But that's not what I feel, Mother.  In the back of my mind, in the place where Dark Goddess Goth is whispering, I don't want to tease them.  I want to devour their flesh while they still breathe and drag their screaming souls down to hell with me.

Mother, I am really worried and I don’t know what to do!

A private email to my mom – Dearest mother, something is wrong with me. Very, very wrong!