Misdiagnosis 7+ years

First and foremost, I want to thank everyone who’s accepted me here and has given me great discourse and feedback. Yall were my backbone sometimes. With that being said:

Confirmed as of today… I am NOT bipolar. This stings a bit like a slap that clears your sinuses after having a head cold for a week. Hurts but relieving at the same time.

I am NOT relieved because of my misdiagnosis. I am also saddened that who I thought I was MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE is in fact, not who I am. The hours of research, the days of explaining what bipolar is to individuals who think it’s people who can’t make a decision… the mood journaling, the grounding to reality… and I just had inattentive ADHD and CPTSD.

It also makes me angry. All those years and pills and treatments and they weren’t helping. Spending thousands of a RX at a pharmacy because my insurance lapsed and I wouldn’t be allowed home unless I came home with my meds. The anti psychotics that made me a fucking zombie and sick all the damn time. LEADING people to getting a proper bipolar diagnosis and coaching them through the same therapies I’ve had… and I’m just adhd.

I originally came here a few weeks ago asking if you all would recommend asking if I truly had bipolar after witnessing my best friend have a true, real life, very scary manic episode. It made me question all of the times that I’ve acted “out of control” and “fast paced”. I have been known to do some wild things and talk fast but, this was on a new level.

So I asked. Therapist got me to another therapist who tested me and told me straight up to never see the psychiatrist who diagnosed me again. That psychiatrist had me listed as Bipolar, PTSD, anxiety, BPD, panic disorder, agoraphobic, and some other acronyms. If it started with an L, I was prescribed it. Lexapro, lamictal, lithium, Latuda. Everyday. For 7 fucking years.

It also just breaks my heart. I’ve been involved in a bipolar therapy group of multiple years now and really have found a like minded community. My sister was bipolar too. God damn it’s a double edged sword.

You all are some of the most wonderful and supportive people I’ve talked to in the mental health space. I’ll still be around to say hi. Thank you all!!!

Now to be medicated correctly.