Worried Mascot

Have you felt tying a person next to you to make sure they are safe? Have you felt seeing the person alive and happy but with soulless eyes? Have you felt like a person is within your reach but is slipping away? You tried to hold them close but lost them anyway? Have you encountered growing old with that person but you're treated like a stranger? In case you want to know, yes, I'm feeling all that right now. It's weird, it's stressful, it's painful but I can't control myself from not feeling it. My system demands me to feel it. Experience the pain, the worries, the lack of reciprocating your love, it's a disaster! I don't know what to do, I'm in a dark dark side of my thoughts and I don't know where to go. I have no one to ask for help and advise. I don't know how to express myself in a way that I won't think the person would judge me. I'm nervous, I'm looking for attention but I don't know who to ask. This phase is killing me. I feel like ending everything is the only way out. I'm tired...