M[21] suffering from low self esteem addiction to masturbation and people pleasing behaviour

I’m a 21-year-old guy with a strong interest in fitness, sports, and self-improvement, but right now I’m struggling with low motivation and a lack of drive. Since childhood, I’ve always felt disrespected, like my boundaries never mattered to anyone. I grew up believing that I’m good at nothing, and that feeling has stayed with me, affecting my confidence and making me feel unimportant in any group I’m part of. On top of that, I’ve been dealing with a masturbation addiction for the last 7–8 years. The only time I was able to leave it was when I was lifting consistently—I managed to stay clean for a couple of months. But after I quit the gym due to certain circumstances, the habit came back even stronger, and it has become the biggest problem in my life right now.

Socially, things have been difficult for me since kindergarten or first grade. I was always the target of bullying and the one people made fun of. Even today, my so-called friends treat me like the last priority. I’ve always been the “punching bag” of the group. I’ve never had a girlfriend, and most of the time, people ignore my opinions. In college, nothing changed. If I tease someone even a little, the whole group turns on me. They make fun of my looks, my physique, my height, my marks, my dressing sense, and sometimes even crack double-meaning jokes about my mother. I usually laugh it off because I was taught to avoid fights and stay peaceful, but inside it genuinely hurts and builds up frustration.

Another thing I struggle with is my inability to say no. I often do things I don’t want to because I’m scared that if I refuse, people will stop liking me or I’ll end up alone. So I go along with things even when they go against my will. Lifting was the one thing I was genuinely proud of and the one thing that made me feel strong. But after a 9-month break from the gym, my physique has gone down and so has my confidence, which makes it even easier for people to mock me now. I donot need any motivation or something i am tired of that shi.. from youtube and google reddit and all but real genuine advice how to overcome this as after college i donot want to carry this to job.