My psychiatrist is putting me in a horrible position.

TW: mention of attempting, mental hospitals, and child abuse.

17. For a little context, I have various mental illnesses which obviously need to be taken seriously. However, I think (i think, don’t rip me apart if i’m wrong) that my mother is a narcissist or is at least not a very great person. Over the years, I ended up in the mental hospital twice because of my mental issues. The first time, I was an adolescent 8-11, my parents didn’t understand why “I wanted to die” especially if “I have everything to be happy about”. But the second time, unfortunately my dad wasn’t in the picture at this point so things went downhill.

My mother drove hours away to see a man, after she left, I attempted to overdose, got scared and called 911. When the paramedics said they were calling my mom, I felt like i’d rather die than see her right now. When she finally arrived at the hospital, she was crying because I tried to attempt obvi, but I think this is when I first realized, I don’t really mean anything to her.

She yelled and berated me, as I was crying, trying to explain why I wasn’t happy. She went down a list of things I could “fix”. She started hitting me in the hospital, on my legs. I was hoping a nurse would say something, but no one did. She said things like “this is so embarrassing for me, i know that nurse” or “I drove ____ amount of hours, for you to do this?”. This isn’t the first time she’s said hurtful things to me, she told me wear my glasses more because she “could see my lazy eye coming out” or “normal people don’t try and attempt” which I took as, I’m not normal.

And this isn’t the first time she’s hit me. She gets drunk and forgets what happened. When I was about 12-14, she started hitting me, when she was drunk. But would then forget about it, so I never brought it up. She’d spill drinks while drunk, or call me a bitch. And i’d have to clean up after her.

As I got older, I realized she does whatever is best for her, and not her children. In my recent psychiatrist appointment, I asked to speak with him alone because of my mother. And tried to explain my situation the best I could. However, his response was “shes your mother,no else is there for you” and started making excuses or explaining my mother’s actions. Which obviously upset me, once he brought her back in the room, he brought up me moving out?? which we never talked about in our private conversation, he then said my mother has things she could work on too.

She looked at me like I had just cut out her liver. Knowing I had to have said something, for him to say that. Anyone with this family situation knows, it’s all happy and in fun when your around strangers, but once your alone or in private all hell breaks lose. Any tips? I think i’m the only one of my siblings to realize and observe my mothers behavior, except my grandma. So i’m all alone on that battle but should I get a new psychiatrist? There’s no way a medical professional should be making my home life harder, right?