I Wrote a Script Based on a Reddit Post and Now I Need Therapy (and Feedback) Roast me gently..

Grabbed a Reddit post, forced myself to turn it into a full script, and now I’m staring at it like ‘…does any of this make sense?’ It’s only my second script, so I’m mainly looking for notes on flow and action lines. Roast me gently

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1dqG1Rdn3nS1IraDNtZAEKNRT7HbPuObD/view?usp=drivesdk