Hatred

I know that what I am thinking and craving is irrational and selfish, but this has to go out of my chest.

I hate being lonely Not having anyone trying to know me better, not having anyone who wants to understand my system.

No one can hold me when I am tired. No one that will be on my side for a long period of time.

Who am I hating? There is no one to hate. Other people have the right of being autonomous I cannot force them to like me. But I don't want to pretend to be someone else either.

Myself? Maybe.

But I don't care. I don't care anymore about this bs. If there is nobody even trying to understand me I should be a lost case. In my situation it shouldn't even be possible to find another. But I want it fr.

Even improving yourself won't shake this feeling off. It might be better to have more self esteem and having a better mindset, but it still stings in the inside. Watching other people having a good time which seems to be “normal”.

But don't u understand how irrational this normality is?? How confusing those weird hidden social norms are?? How infuriating it is to get weird looks of having an opinion, no even saying a sentence because it never crossed their minds what I am talking about?? This is some serious bs. F your damn heuristics

But if I define other people as the ones who are in fault, it isn't truly correct, because they don't think in the same way I am thinking, I shouldn't blame them.

Implanted in other humans their way of thinking is too narrow, like inside a forest. The people who are in front of you are walking down a path the people before them created. But only because they created it, it should net be considered the best path. There might be a reason for setting the path but stupidly following it without thinking about your own actions is imbecil. Truly inconsiderate...

I still hate it. The invisible barrier between me and others, merciless, not even letting the ability to talk to another people normally. Bs fr