AITA for telling my mom I have plans for Christmas?

Posting anon. For context My parents are divorced have been for 16 years it ended badly and the custody battle lasted years I was an only child then. My mom would get angry and ignore me at home if I had any sign of having fun with my father. She would tell me what to say to the court therapist so she could take full custody. A lot of things happened that I won’t get into but eventually she lost custody of me as I entered high school at 13. During that time she would stalk me to school and home. She grabbed my ankle after following me to the bathroom and tried to give me a note on how to contact her. At the time I was terrified and it’s not a fond memory.

After that I didn’t see her for years until I was 19. She contacted me through Facebook she said she found college money and wanted to send it to me. I sent my address and got the money. I made it pretty clear I wasn’t ready for in person contact but a message was okay for now. She ended up showing up at my apartment on thanksgiving with no warning. I was really upset and told her to leave as I wasn’t ready to see her. She sobbed and then spied on me from across the river where you could see into my living room. After that I didn’t contact her until I was 22 similar events happened I pulled away and didn’t contact her until I was 24. I decided to try building a relationship with her and it’s been going well enough. I live 2000 miles away so the distance helps. I am 27 now.

I have gone on vacation with her family (her new husband and daughter ) I like them and love my little sister.

For thanksgiving I spent it with my best friend and her husband and cousins. I’ve spent many thanksgivings with them as I don’t have family here and now I consider them family. I have spent a thanksgiving with my mom a short trip a couple years ago. I visited my dad in between as well. I spent last Christmas with my mom. She was upset I didn’t see her for thanksgiving this year.

This year they told me maybe a Christmas vacation together and I told them to give me a date in advance so I could plan but they never did. This week she talked about Christmas abroad and I could fly out to them. My work schedule has days off but I don’t want to fly anywhere at this point so I decided to spend Christmas with my best friend and her family.

I called my mom to tell her which was very nerve-wracking as conversations like this deeply upset her. She was very upset told me I have to make up all the Christmases she had without me and that she’s my mother who’s real family not like my best friend. I stood my ground and told her these were my plans and that maybe we could plan something for February. last I saw her was October and before that may. The relationship we have now is already a lot for me she wants me to call her multiple times a week many things stress me out.

Today she called me in the middle of a workday. She said that she knows I’m an adult and can make my own plans but that she asked a family friend of hers if they could stay at their apartment near me for a couple weeks so we could be together. I didn’t know what to say but I just reiterated my plans I might’ve sounded irritated too. I told her I was busy at work and would talk later. I feel disrespected for how she immediately did this despite what I told her. I try to set boundaries for my mental health. AITA