I’m only happy when I know I get to end it soon

This keeps happening. 20M.

Planned for August 6, and something came up. Then moved it to September, I’m struggling with school at this point and every day feels like a crash out. October and November went, I decided I’d wait until after Christmas. I don’t want to ruin the holiday.

I’m going great having another date and I don’t know why. Having it in mind just makes it so much easier. To know I want to go and know I can do it. I still hit low lows where all I want to do is overdose but I’m feeling like getting through one day is easier. And then the next.

I believe the world would be better without me, anyway. And a date gives me the freedom to exist without being weighed down.