Rahul 5th House Shatabisha Aquarius. Why am I this way?

I get ideas but don't have the will power most times. I get crippling fear of what if I fail. I know it's irrational. Yet when I have playfully tried something, it blows up.

This is something I am trying to overcome and I don't know how to. Advice in how to turn this to strength?

In D9, Rahi sits with Jupiter and Sun in 9th house if it helps.