Bipolar 1

 I was diagnosed with BP1 with Psychosis a few years ago. I didn't understand the diagnosis and wrote it off as a mood thing. I wanted to ask, does anyone else struggle with accepting what happened to them? Does anybody who experienced severe abuse have a hard time really believing it happened despite the abusers confirmations and witnesses to certain acts?

  I'm struggling really hard and I don't have anyone. I haven't seen a therapist since my last got fired from her clinic and sued. She wasn't that great either and trauma dumped her own personal life on me. I am afraid of therapy. I feel like I have so much more going on and I've been working up to the moment I see a therapist. I've started keeping a calendar and can tell when mania sweeps in. So far it's been twice this month both a week in at a time. Does anybody else struggle with their memory? With reality?