Dealing with anxiety and depression as a provider

New grad, been working for a good few months now. Posted a while back about struggling and some things are coming easier but I'm still struggling.

Biggest thing making my life miserable is my mental health. Constantly worrying if I'm doing well, things on my schedule, how to deal when initial plans fall through, have no friends or family near me, and feel like I'm wasting the best years of my life being miserable. The only lights I have to look forward to are the holidays when I don't have to work and I'm adopting some pets. Went to a therapy session and I didn't like the provider. Doesn't help that I got stuck with a hefty bill for the session. Trying to find someone else but navigating the mental health system is so exhausting and I've had bad experiences in the past. I'm on medication but it's not really making a difference

I want to smile and feel content again. My mental health is affecting my interactions with patients and I hate that because I want to put on a happy front for them to put them at ease. Feels hopeless