Just a vent.

I've been detached from the reality of the pandemic anger wise and living life basically as normal but in a kn94 or n95 mask. I started going to yoga in an n95. I work busy crowded events in an n95. I saw my family over the weekend and while I didn't share a meal I'll pull my mask down to sip water or occasionally bite food. Not long enough to breathe. I havent been testing because I haven't been symptomatic and I mask everywhere.

I'm not insured atm. Underemployed. W a s looking forward to working a lot the next 2 weeks and getting some decent money. I stopped drinking. Finally turning a corner on back injury. Finally doing more job interviews. Today I worked with maybe 40 people in not a super crowded space for 12 hours. I was sick of n95 and picked a kn95. It's kept me from symptoms in bigger crowds. I mask except when taking small sips where I don't inhale air. Not perfect but hope it lowers probability of illness enough. I never just hang out with others unmasked. Ever.

I have a stuffy nose for the first time in years today. It could have been from any number of possible slips of my mask the last week. It could be nothing. It could be long covid.

I don't want to test. I don't get them for free anymore. I don't want to know I'm positive and have to call off work. I don't want a negative that I don't trust anyway.

This doesn't feel real. I hope this is the end. I'm too tired. It's a mild stuffy nose, like I can still taste. And my thoughts are like this? Jesus christ.