I can’t let myself enjoy things unless the moment is perfect

I just saw this exactly post posted 6 years ago with the same title. I didn’t know how to word it but they did it perfectly for me and I’m experiencing this right now (it’s a daily thing).

Right now, I want to watch a movie. There are a number of movies that caught my eye from early 2000’s to 2010’s. Some of the movies are nostalgic to me, so there’s this part of me that doesn’t want to watch it because it’s a regular Wednesdays night and it doesn’t feel like the “perfect moment” to watch it… even though I want to. Like they must be reserved for a Friday so I can fully relax into it and the experience will be even better. Like the fact that I have to work tomorrow ruins the experience in watching this type of movie.

This happens every single day about SOMETHING. Anything. Always mundane. I’ve only discovered recently in the last year of my life that this is part of OCD, which has further confirmed for me that I have OCD amongst my research. The way I’ve always been makes sense now.

This is infuriating to experience. If I just decided to go ahead and watch the movie right now, I wouldn’t feel completely settled and comfortable, and therefore it would not be the experience I’m wanting; it would not satisfy what I’m craving (and do I even really know what I’m craving?… no! Not really!), and I would have to watch it again on the weekend in order to feel that perfect experience, but I already watched just a couple days before so I probably won’t really want to…

Y’all, this is exhausting.