I hate the gender I was born into and I don't wanna live anymore

17M. No I am not trans. When I was younger a lady sent me a bunch of suicide statistics and threats in an attempt to get me to kill myself. She had a deep hatred in men and I not only internalized some of what she said but also don't really see the point in being alive anymore. I also had someone say I must have "done something to deserve it" when I opened up about my problems. I've become so distant and isolated from people sometimes its strange to even call myself human. I hate people and I hate opening up to people when they never lived through or experienced my problems. Or better yet, when they use it against me.

There's a lot more to it but right now I'm still trying to process the world crashing in on me at once