Im not doing too well...

I really don't know what to do anymore. I thought maybe I wasn't doing well because my parents don't seem to happy right now. But they can't remember the simplest things about people, my mom nor dad, know my favorite color, movie, tv show, candy. They don't know the simple things you should know about for you kid. And to put on top of that, I found out my mom has asked my dad for a divorce multiple times in less then a year. I mean even the thugs they say to me sound try, I mean I know I'm most certainly the least favorite out of my family. I am the black sheep overall. Im not doing well in school anymore, I used to be a smart kid, and right now I'm doing math a grade ahead of what I would be doing normally. And I don't feel smart, nothing's clicking, it feels like I'm trying to read an ancient language when I see it. And now all my grades are slipping bc I can't even focus in any classes. Then to top that I can't drown out the thoughts of su*cide anymore. I used to drown them out by playing video games, listening to music, reading, anything to stop them. But I swear they've gotten louder, and nothing can drown them out or distract me from them. And it sucks bc Christmas is right around the corner, and I don't want my family to wake up to their done with a bullet in his skull. I can't do life.