This is for those of you that are heavily weighing the options as far as breaking up a long term relationship. It may be a friend, partner of family member. In your heart, you know what to do. Let this exercise guide your decision. 

Step 1: Set the container

Before journaling, create a sense of safety so the shadow can speak honestly.

- Sit somewhere private where you will not be interrupted for 20–30 minutes.
- Take 5 slow breaths, exhaling longer than you inhale, and notice where your body feels tight when you think about this relationship (chest, throat, stomach, jaw).

You can place a hand on that area and simply acknowledge, “Something in me feels this way, and it gets to be heard.”


Step 2: Core breakup shadow prompt

Write on this prompt for 10–15 minutes without editing yourself:

“When I think about ending (or having ended) this relationship, what emotions arise first—fear, guilt, relief, sadness, or something else? Which part of me feels attached to staying, and which part longs to leave? Explore what each part believes it will gain or lose through this decision. Then, go deeper: what old story or wound might this situation be mirroring about love, abandonment, or self-worth? How might choosing differently this time be an act of self-trust rather than self-sabotage?”

If you get stuck, switch to sentence stems like:  
- “The part of me that wants to stay believes that…”  
- “The part of me that wants to leave is afraid that…”  
- “This reminds me of a time when…”


Step 3: Weighing the options (shadow lens)

Now, consciously “weigh” staying versus leaving, but name the shadow beliefs driving each side.

In two columns, explore:

- If I stay:
  - What do I fear will happen?  
  - What do I hope will happen?  
  - What part of me feels seen or needed here (even in unhealthy ways)?

- If I leave:
  - What do I fear losing (identity, security, image, fantasy)?  
  - What might I gain that scares me (freedom, standards, self-respect)?  
  - Which old wound does leaving threaten (abandonment, not being chosen, being “too much”)?  

Underline any beliefs that sound absolute, like “No one will ever…” or “I always…” Those are often shadow narratives rather than truths.


Step 4: Dialogue with the shadow part

Pick the most activated part (the terrified one, the guilty one, the angry one) and write a dialogue between your Adult Self and that shadow part, almost like a script.

- Let the shadow part speak first:  
  “I’m scared of…”  
  “I can’t leave because…”  
  “If I stay, at least…”

- Then respond as the grounded, wiser you:  
  “I hear that you are afraid of…”  
  “Here is what is true now…”  
  “This is how I can protect you, whether we stay or go…”

The goal is not to force a decision, but to show the shadow that it is no longer alone with this choice.


Step 5: Somatic closing and micro-action

After journaling, close with a gentle somatic reset so you are not left raw or flooded.

- Stand up, shake out your hands, legs, and shoulders for 30–60 seconds to release some of the intensity.
- Place a hand on your heart and one on your belly, and ask: “What is one small act of self-respect I can take in this relationship in the next 48 hours?” (Not a huge decision—just a boundary, a conversation, or a truth you can honor.)

Write that one action down and commit to it as a first step toward self-trust, regardless of whether you stay or leave right now.


I hope this exercise helps you to make the decision that is best for you and your peace. 

Let me know in the comments 🤓

And if you’d like more of these guides, check out Wistful Wounds free resources by clicking the link. 


Breaking up a long term relationship shadow work prompts and guide