I saved my kids life last night and I never want to do it again.

I donno if this belongs here but I HAVE to talk about it.

I have a kid who is under the age of 8. Kiddo has asthma and its very well controlled. So controlled we all thought kiddo was slowly out growing it... cause that can happen with childhood asthma.

Kid started getting alittle cold on the weekend and the cough got alittle more intense by yesterday. I gave them the appropriate amount of medication. They seemed better. We propped the pillows. They fell asleep.

One hour goes by and I hear the deepest cough I have ever heard come out of kiddo so I book it upstairs and kiddos gasping for air but still asleep? I woke kiddo up and told kiddo to sit on their bum so I could give them more asthma medication and they said they were sitting up. We had this exchange twice it became very clear to me that something is seriously wrong. As kiddo became more coherent they started to panic and they got out "I cant breathe". I tried my best to stay calm and talked them down enough to administer I dont even know how much Salbutamol, I just kept pressing the plunger and telling them to breathe in as hard as they could. After it had calmed down alittle I picked kiddo up booked it too the bathroom (smashed my healing broken toe into the tub and didnt realize I rebroke it till this afternoon) and turned the shower on as hot as it could go and held my kid (outside the water. This is just to open the airway) reminding both of us to breathe and gave more medicine. Once I thought it was safe I had to run downstairs to grab my phone. When I came back my kid reached out to me and said "help me mommy" and then said "I cant breathe". I called my kids dad and said kid needs to go to the ER NOW. We did more breaths, hands over head breathing, more medicine, steamy air etc

The doctors said i did everything right and bringing kid to the ER was the right call. I know i did right by my kid however my brains stuck on the why didnt I call 911 right away, what if I didnt make it in time. What if... what if...

This morning kiddo looked at me and said "you're doctor mommy, you did everything you could and you saved my life!"

Im absolutely petrified for bed time tonight. The doctors gave steroids and a prednisone prescription. Theres a humidifier set up, steaming happened, and additional puffers will be given.

I know im capable of handling that type of situation now but I never want to again. Is that awful of me? If it happens of course I will repeat the steps perhaps tweak something however, I feel absolutely traumatized. This year has been especially tough on us and its felt like life has just been happening at full speed. Its been a game of ready or not here I come at all angles.

I know I can do it again, I know I did right by my child, however... 0% of me ever wants to repeat this again. I never want to see my kid gasping for air like a fish out of water. Ever. Again. Doctors said that its severe croup and some virus and it agitated the asthma.

Does anyone have any tips on reducing anxiety around this?

My kid is home, safe, sick but otherwise healthy.

Thanks for reading if you did. Again I dont know if this belongs here I just need to get it out.