AITAH for not wanting my girlfriends ex husband in my house when I’m not home

I met my girlfriend on call of duty. I was single and she was married. We developed a great friendship that eventually turned into love. Eventually she left her husband to be with me. We lived 9 hours away from each other and we had to save to be able to move in together because I would have to find a job when I got there. Our relationship started in June and we didn’t move in together until October. During this time she lived at home with her ex.

While we were apart we talked on the phone all the time. We played games online together and even went to sleep on the phone with each other. We genuinely love each other and enjoy our time together so much we always wanted to be with each other.

One morning in July her ex asked her to come talk to him in the bedroom. She followed and he told her he wanted to hold her. She lates in bed with him holding her and eventually he kissed her. She was resistant at first but said she needed closure and to know how she really feels so she gave in and made out with him. He got handsy and was rubbing her butt and boobs and after a couple minutes told her he wanted to have sex. At that point she shut it down and told him it had gone too far and I believe that’s the truth.

I was extremely upset when she told me what happened. I didn’t leave her because I love her and I know she loves me too. She felt horrible about what happened and we have moved on but it has left me with insecurities.

We live together now and are still very happy together but no matter how good things are it stays in my mind. He has stolen our nudes to each other from her tablet through her apple account including videos and pictures we took when I came to visit her. He has sent her inappropriate texts and a video of him jacking off and while she doesnt entertain what he says in any way she has never flat out told him to stop. He did that until the week before I moved here and hasn’t done it since we moved in together.

The big problem is when he comes to pick up the kids he shows up unannounced sometimes while I’m at work and I don’t want him in the house while I’m not here. I’ve told her repeatedly I don’t want him in here while I’m not home and she has refused to tell him he can’t come in while I’m not home and that she will bring the kids out to him. Her fear is that he will tell the kids and then have to explain to them why I don’t want him in the house.

It has been the cause of several fights because I’m uncomfortable with it and she doesn’t see a problem. For me it’s not a matter of not trusting her, it’s that I don’t trust him. He’s put his hands on her in the past. She left him for me so he sees talking inappropriately to her as fair game. I just don’t want them together without me there.

So AITAH for wanting her to tell him he can’t come in the house when I’m not home?