AITAH Christmas Edition

Every year for Christmas since my husband and I started dating we’ve done Christmas Day at his mom’s house. My family is very chill, whereas my husband’s mom is a little uptight so it was never worth the argument.

I’ll preface this by saying I’ve never been crazy about spending Christmas Day with his family in general. They always fight with one another, I’m talking they end up screaming at each other or storming out of the house by the end of the night. Every. Single. Year. Whereas at my house we watch movies, play board games, sing songs, and laugh and joke with one another. Two very different vibes. Also, despite the fact that my husband and I have been together for almost 10 years his mom never puts in the effort to make any vegetarian food for me, so I have to spend all Christmas morning making my dinner at home, putting it in Tupperware and then microwaving it when I get there. It’s annoying, but I love my husband so I never made a stink about it.

However, in 2024 my husband and I had a son, and at this point I realized I want my son to have memories on Christmas Day with my family too, not just his. The compromise I came up with, was that we alternated years. I said “this year (2024 when I made this suggestion) we can celebrate Christmas Day with your family, and next year we can celebrate with mine”. He reluctantly agreed.

Flash forward to this year, where it’s supposed to be my family’s turn. I have been asking my husband since September: “Since it’s my families turn for Christmas Day, can you find out if we are we spending Christmas Eve or Boxing Day with your family?”. He kept saying he would but he never did in front of me, if his family mentioned Christmas over the phone he quickly changed the subject, so I don’t know if he actually did discuss it or how assertive he was about it.

Now my husband is guilt tripping me. He’s saying his sister had a baby a month ago, and it’ll be his niece’s first Christmas with everyone and we won’t be there. I asked him if he found out if his sister is available on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. He said they’re available on Christmas Eve but only going to his mom’s on Christmas Day. At this point I caved and said “You know what, that’s fine we can go there on Christmas Day again this year. But next year, I need you to be more assertive in making plans for Christmas Eve or Boxing Day”. He argued that he was assertive this year. He said he asked everyone to accommodate and celebrate with us on Christmas Eve and they said no (despite the fact that they ARE ALL FREE AND AVAILABLE on Christmas Eve). He then said “how can you expect my whole family to switch our family tradition to accommodate for your family?”

At this point I was frustrated, because MY family has been switching our Christmas tradition to accommodate for HIS family for the last 10 years. I didn’t grow up celebrating Christmas on Christmas Eve. We always celebrated on Christmas Day. My brother, sister, everyone accommodated his family and switched the day we celebrate on so that we can find a day that me and my husband can attend. We are all adults, in my mind this shouldn’t even be an argument. Yet his family won’t do the same for me? So I changed my mind. I said “if you feel that you were assertive this year and your family is choosing not to accommodate for my family to have Christmas Day, then I think that if I cave this year, the same thing is just going to continue to happen every year… so I think it’s best we stick to the original plan of alternating, and do Christmas with my family this year as planned. If your family chooses not to see us on Christmas Eve, that’s their choice”.

Am I the ass hole?