I can't stop thinking about this dog...

About a year and a half ago, I was smoking a cigarette on my porch and a large dog (border collie mix) walked up to me.

He had a tattered, makeshift collar on his neck and was covered in mats. He just put his head in my lap. He needed help. All I had was cat food, so after I invited him inside to cut the mats out of his fur and try to give him a bath (which he didn't seem to care for or want) I left him outside with some cat food.

The next morning, he was still outside which surprised me. I left for work. When I came home, he was still outside.

This went on for a week or so, and eventually I bought him a collar and made a makeshift leash and would walk him around the neighborhood.

The thing about this dog-- he would be miserable if I least him. He would not let me leave. If I was driving away, he would chase the car type of thing.

At the time, I had just been released from a mental health facility and was unemployed. I was very fragile and completely unable to take on the responsibility of caring for a large dog.

But every day and night, all he wanted was to be in my lap or on top of me somehow. He loved our walks. When I bought a toy for him, it was clear he had never learned how to play. God knows what this poor baby had been through-- when he came to me he also had large gashes around his ears and neck.

So I was able to connect with a no-kill shelter about 4 hours away from me (my town is overrun with strays and even animal control told me that the best they could do was pick him up and drop him within a 1 mile radius of my apartment, with no guarantee he wouldn't come straight back to me.)

I drove him 4 hours north with my dad, and the poor guy vomited the entire time. My dad told me not to look back when we left him, but I did. It broke my heart.

Luckily, the shelter kept in touch and within a week, my friend was adopted by a young, active couple. I am so happy for him.

But I still think of him, often. I miss him so much. When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of that immediate and innate bond with an animal. And this dog gave it to me. He came to me in his time of need, and I did the best damn job I could, in my current mental state, to give him the life he deserves.

But, I miss him so much. I just wish things could have been different.