20m hikikomori/neet just online university. what should i do? major depression,agoraphobia

i really dont know what i can do with my life. only thing i can do is speak english. im turkish. i have social anxiety so it is hard for me to find job and hold that job.

i have 1 week of waiter experience in a cafe. i did what they told me. i mopped the floor. i cleaned toilet. i brought plates forks and spoons to dishwasher. i was like slave but i got fired.

now i stay at home 24/7. i feel useless. i feel suicidal. i have intrusive thoughts. i have ocd. i like listening to music and browsing through reddit.

i listen to all kind of music. i like art. i cant do art. i like artistic things like painting and playing music. i tried to learn guitar but quit it. i tried to write songs. i tried to sing. i got ashamed. i quit

i tried youtube . deleted it. i really regret everything i try. im lost in life.