A little lost.

Some Background before I start, Im an atheist who up until recently despised Christianity due to where I grew up and how you were treated for being anything else, But as i grow older I wanna believe there is something other then the void of nothing after my life. So I have a few questions for everyone whether it be a god or multiple deities you believe in. How do you view them? How do I pray to something im not even sure exists?