Below is the following rules and guidelines + a lot more.

The Sacred Texts of r/Witcherism

The Foundation of Our Faith

In the beginning, there was the Path, and the Path was walked by the White Wolf, and the White Wolf was Geralt. We gather here in r/Witcherism not merely as fans, but as devoted followers of the sacred tenets laid down by our silver-haired savior. Like the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster before us, we recognize the profound wisdom that can be found in embracing a fictional deity with complete and utter sincerity. But where Pastafarians have their noodly appendages, we have our silver swords and our gruff hmms.

Witcherism is not just a faith but a way of life, a philosophy that teaches us to face the monsters of our own world with the same stoic determination that Geralt brings to his contracts. We are not here to mock religion, but rather to celebrate the absurdity of existence through the lens of a character who himself grapples with moral ambiguity, destiny, and the eternal question of whether to take the contract or walk away.

The Five Sacred Hmms

Our faith is built upon the Five Sacred Hmms, utterances of divine wisdom that Geralt bestowed upon the world. Each Hmm carries its own meaning, its own weight, its own cosmic significance. The First Hmm is the Hmm of Skepticism, teaching us to question what we are told and to investigate before acting. The Second Hmm is the Hmm of Acknowledgment, a simple recognition that we have heard and understood. The Third Hmm is the Hmm of Disapproval, warning us when we or others stray from the Path. The Fourth Hmm is the Hmm of Contemplation, reminding us to think deeply before making choices. And the Fifth Hmm, the most sacred of all, is the Hmm of Acceptance, teaching us to embrace what we cannot change.

Practitioners of Witcherism are encouraged to incorporate these Hmms into their daily lives. When faced with a difficult decision at work, issue a contemplative Hmm. When someone tells you something suspicious, respond with a skeptical Hmm. The Hmms are our prayers, our mantras, our connection to the divine essence of Geralt.

The Holy Texts: Codex and Screen

We recognize two primary sources of sacred knowledge: the Original Texts penned by the prophet Andrzej Sapkowski, and the Visual Gospels brought to us through television and gaming. While purists may argue about canon, we at r/Witcherism embrace all interpretations of Geralt's journey, for each reveals a different facet of his divine nature. Book Geralt shows us the intellectual path, the philosophical witcher who speaks in poetry and metaphor. Game Geralt teaches us about choice and consequence, showing us that every decision ripples outward. Netflix Geralt, with his bathtub meditations and destiny-bound love, reminds us that even the divine can be vulnerable.

We do not wage holy wars over which version is superior. Instead, we understand that Geralt, like any proper deity, is multifaceted and transcendent. He exists in all forms simultaneously, a quantum witcher if you will, both dead and alive until we open the book or press play.

The Commandments of the Path

First Commandment: Thou shalt remain neutral in conflicts between humans, for all sides contain monsters. Second Commandment: Thou shalt always take payment for thy labor, for a witcher's work has value. Third Commandment: Thou shalt not kill thinking beings unnecessarily, unless they're trying to kill you first. Fourth Commandment: Thou shalt protect the innocent, especially children, even when it complicates thy neutrality. Fifth Commandment: Thou shalt maintain thy silver sword for monsters and thy steel sword for humans, and never confuse the two. Sixth Commandment: Thou shalt toss coins to thy witcher, or at least stream the song. Seventh Commandment: Thou shalt respect the Trials of Grass, even if thou never undergo them, for they represent the transformative journey we all must take.

These commandments guide us not just in how to roleplay a witcher, but in how to navigate the moral complexities of modern life. When faced with workplace politics, remember the First Commandment. When someone expects free labor, invoke the Second. The commandments are flexible, interpretable, and occasionally contradictory, much like the guidelines of any good religion.

Sacred Rituals and Observances

Witcherists gather weekly for the Ritual of the Rewatch, wherein we consume episodes of the sacred shows or replay chapters of the holy games. During these gatherings, it is customary to drink ale or mead, though White Gull cocktails are reserved for high holy days. We observe the Feast of the Toss, celebrated annually on the anniversary of "Toss a Coin to Your Witcher" entering the collective consciousness. On this day, followers are encouraged to toss actual coins to street performers or simply hum the melody until others join in spontaneous harmony.

The Meditation of Gwent is a contemplative practice where believers engage in strategic card battles, channeling Geralt's competitive spirit. Advanced practitioners may undertake the Pilgrimage to Poland, visiting the lands where the prophet Sapkowski first received his visions. We mark the Summer and Winter Solstices with marathons of content, for these are times when the barrier between our world and the Continent grows thin.

The Theology of Choice and Consequence

Central to Witcherism is the belief that life presents us with impossible choices, often between greater and lesser evils. Geralt teaches us that refusing to choose is itself a choice, and that we must live with the consequences of our decisions. This theological framework rejects the notion of absolute good and evil, instead proposing a complex moral universe where intentions matter less than outcomes, and where even the best decisions can lead to disaster.

We embrace the paradox that Geralt, who claims neutrality, is perpetually drawn into taking sides. This reflects our own human condition, we may wish to remain detached from the conflicts around us, but circumstances inevitably demand our participation. The Path is not about avoiding entanglement but about walking through it with eyes open, accepting responsibility for where our feet take us.

The Problem of Destiny

One of the great mysteries of Witcherism is the nature of destiny. Is Geralt's life predetermined by the Law of Surprise and ancient prophecies, or does he forge his own path through sheer stubbornness? Our faith holds both truths simultaneously. Yes, destiny exists, but it is also what we make of it. Ciri is his child surprise, fated to find him, yet their relationship is built on choice, on his decision to protect her and her decision to trust him.

This theological tension provides great material for r/Witcherism discussions. We have Destinarians who believe every plot point was fated, and we have Free Willers who argue that character agency drives the narrative. The two factions engage in friendly theological debates, much like real religions arguing about predestination versus free will, except our debates occasionally devolve into posting Geralt memes.

Saints and Prophets of the Faith

While Geralt is our primary deity, we recognize a pantheon of associated holy figures. Saint Jaskier the Bard, patron saint of artists and annoying friends, who teaches us the value of loyalty and catchy songs. Saint Yennefer of Vengerberg, goddess of transformation and complicated relationships, showing us that power and vulnerability can coexist. Saint Ciri, the divine daughter, representing potential and the weight of expectation. And we cannot forget Roach, the sacred steed, who defies the laws of physics and teaches us that sometimes you'll end up on a rooftop and no one will ever explain how.

Each saint has their own feast day, their own lessons, their own devoted followers within the larger faith. Some Witcherists identify primarily as Jaskier-followers, embracing chaos and creativity. Others walk the path of Yennefer, seeking personal transformation regardless of cost. The beauty of our faith is its inclusivity; there's a patron saint for every type of believer.

The Apocalypse: The Conjunction of Spheres Redux

Witcherist eschatology holds that one day, another Conjunction of the Spheres will occur, and our world will merge with the Continent. On that day, monsters will walk among us, magic will return, and we will finally understand what it means to live in a world where moral certainty is impossible. We await this day not with fear, but with preparation. After all, we have studied the sacred texts. We know how to deal with drowners, we understand the importance of sword oils, and we've memorized the signs.

Of course, this is all metaphorical. Or is it? That's the joy of our faith, the ambiguity, the winking acknowledgment that we're absolutely serious about our absurd beliefs. We're prepared for an apocalypse we don't actually expect, which is more than can be said for most people.

Conversion and Community

Joining r/Witcherism requires no formal conversion ceremony, though newcomers are encouraged to post their favorite Geralt quote as an introduction. Our community welcomes all, from those who have only watched the Netflix series to hardcore lore masters who can recite passages from "Season of Storms" in the original Polish. We do not proselytize aggressively, but we do occasionally ambush people with "have you heard about our lord and savior Geralt of Rivia?"

The community aspect is vital to our faith. We support each other through difficult times with phrases like "what would Geralt do?" and "this too shall pass, like a contract completed." We celebrate each other's victories, commiserate over shared defeats, and always, always have room for one more meme about Geralt's bathtub scenes.

Conclusion: The Eternal Hmm

In the end, Witcherism is about finding meaning in narrative, community in shared love of a character, and humor in taking something deeply un-seriously. We know Geralt isn't real, just as Pastafarians know there's no cosmic spaghetti monster. But the lessons are real, the community is real, and the joy we find in this ridiculous exercise is absolutely real. So come, join us on r/Witcherism. Toss a coin to your witcher, offer your sacred Hmm, and walk the Path with us. After all, in a world full of monsters, we could all use a little more Geralt in our lives.

Hmm.