i'm so sick and tired of feeling so ugly and disgusting every day

like who would ever want a trans man. who would ever want the most useless kind of man out there lol. i feel like my self esteem has absolutely been torn to shreds. i used to feel so much better about myself and my appearance but lately it's just horrible. i feel so unfuckable and despicable. i've never felt like this in my life. i only have one sexual partner and recently he told me he's not really that attracted to me. i don't get what the point is anymore. no one is ever going to love me. no one is ever going to find me so desirable that they're actually going to want to have sex with me and kiss me and hold me and tell me how much they love me. i'm going to have to live the rest of my life just trying to find someone who sees me as a man and treats me like one, which is pretty impossible from my experience, or i can just completely give up on ever trying to date anyone again. and i think the latter sounds more desirable. i can't keep forcing myself to try and talk to men only to have them be fucking weird to me. i can't keep doing this to myself, it's just ruining me completely. i wish i was just a pretty boy