Late night vent/frustration of being a mediocre middle class guy.

Bhai why do these Indian parents reproduce if you don't have sufficient funds to fullfill wishes of your children to mat karo na paida fir what's the point in producing another mediocre shit for the nation.

Only reproduce if you can afford to give silver spoon to your kids otherwise pls don't man.

I know I'm being harsh and I've been provided with education which would be more than what other people might've received but still it feels short when you see the competition moving ahead as I'm a mediocre & the 90% way to succeed is to study/grind hard but what if nahi hai man mera & I don't even know what to do where to go.

I've done my schooling from a vgood cbse chain of school, btech with no practical experience & any skill typical tier 3 money making college(has good ranking though) now what? It's so frustrating that to do something in this country you have to fight this competition even for 3lpa job sab jgh bhed chaal hai.

Bhai I'm not made for this shit nhi hoti meri se padhayi but still I want to enjoy like those rich kids I also want to explore different countries na ghuma hu dhang se na life experience ki hai ghar aur ek car hai papa ki mehnat se jo purani kaafi hogayi hai & needs change but can't do in an instant as gotta plan everything from mileage to budget due yess all of this is possible due to his efforts & we might be in upper middle class family bracket as well but uske lie bhi unhe gaon se aake kitni mehnat karni padi na unke paas family backing thi koi, he's a selfmade man and I appreciate it, we don't have any Ancestral wealth jiske dam pe maze kare apni wishes fullfill kare, at the moment my family is dependent on him I definitely wanna support this but kaise?

That same India IT industry route of starting from 3-4lpa job & doing something which I don't think I'm interested & nor have any skills, although received an offer from a mnc jiski na training aayi hai abhi to formal joining pata nhi kab denge, for context I'm 25 batch passout. Was working as in sales/call centre for few months but left that due to weird timings and also I was not liking being in sales after coming from a tech background though I'm good in communication & maybe in business but pata nhi due to very bad reputation of sales job in family & not much appreciation for MBA after btech vgera maine vo job chod & now I'm sitting in home since 5-6 months waiting for that training to start.

Now as it's a 3-4lpa job I might manage with very basic skills (vo bhi nahi hai abhi but will manage in training itna to seekh hi lunga) but for growth it'll need a very high learning curve but I'm a lazy ass who doesn't wanna do much, yes my fault I know that & now I am planning to get an experience of around 1.5-2yrs for doing an masters abroad (germany) as usse zydh kharcha nhi kar sakte papa.

Vo bhi tab jab main ek saal se hawa bana rha hu ki jaunga after 1-2yrs but this is the problem ke paise lagenge isile itna sochna pad rha phle se batana pad rha jisse mind makeup rahe unka. Going abroad for masters would be a lot of expenses but I know he can manage it out as he has funds but vhi hai he's having responsibility for the family where I have a small sister who's undergoing her schooling & uske to abhi kaafi expenses reh rhe to papa ka bhi sochna banta hai as he never had any backing from his family so he's not used to spending much and savings bhi aisa nhi hai ki bahut crores me hongi aisa kuch nhi hai bdi mushkil se less than 1cr hi hoga kya pta utna bhi nhi ho but uske lie bhi unhe 20-25 saal lag gaye corporate me, kabhi apne upar se nahi spend Kiya papa mumma ne and yhi to problem hai.

Now due to free time & internet I was not working on my skills for training or any kind of learning/aptitude practice for months (very vbad at both as kabhi dhang se pdha hi nahi I was a bright student till 8th but uske baad pata nhi) so now I had a thought of doing a commercial pilot training as it is something I wanted to do & one of my friend of college is doing after btech but kabhi aise socha nhi upar se I know that I'm a mediocre in studies to masters ho ya IT field me career vahan to kaafi pdhna pdega which I'm not very sure of doing even kar bhi liya to I'm not going to like it.

Isile getting a cpl which would definitely cost a ton is something I think would be better as isme maza bhi rhega to man bhi lagaega.

I'm a technical person but not where I should've been to vhn bhi accha package milta which is a criteria for judging a guy after btech.

Now today I told my mum about this as one of my friend is also doing training after btech so I told her not very directly but initially showing yt videos of it just to see her reaction (for context I was seeing lots of videos for masters in Germany) to unka bhi reaction vhi tha that what I'm upto kabhi kuch kabhi kuch & abhi raat me when she was going for sleep we had very heated debate where I said that I'm not very much interested in studying or doing job as it's khacchro ki race (race of the donkeys) where there's a crowd of lakhs & lakhs instead why not take a way jisme kam log ho as I don't like to give much time studies(not directly but mtlb vhi tha).

Log to kam hai isme but Paisa bhi utna hi hisab se lagega & I've not proven my worth abhi tak na school me na college me na job lagi hai dhang se which is right but bhai those were not very fond things for me I'm sure mai kar skta hu ye to we were arguing on how dad & my nana(he's also from a low income family bg & even he lost his dad while being a teen and then keeping his family together & earning is quite commendable) has done everything on their own ye vo but vhi to point hai that kya zarurat hai logn ko bache paida karne ki when they cannot fulfill their needs & of their kids (ik for some it may be a lot for what do I have or others may have, yess cruel comparison) but when you see what's happening with the rich & wealthy aram se paisa uda rhe bacho pe to khud bhi lagta hai ki wish we would've also lived like this aur itna sochna nhi padta kbhi kuch karne se pehle.

When you are not very sufficient to fullfill today's need of children to tbtk mat karo paida as aaj ke time me atleast 1-2cr corpus hojaye to hi decide karo otherwise kya fayda family & bache dono hi mediocrity me jee rhe atleast bache nhi to khud pe paise kharch karlo maze se, bache paida karke kya hi milega vo bhi bechara ek race me daudne lage jisme crores of crores log already bhaag rahe hai arrey bache se bhi to puchte kabhi ki daundna bhi hai ya nahi ya better ki paida bhi hona hai ya nhi.

Like other Indian kids i also wanted to be a cricketer and I used to play it good as well but vhi hai societal pressure se kabhi dhyaan hi nahi gaya ki aisa kuch bhi kar skte hai aur ghar se to sports ke lie koi appreciation thi nhi unhe to padhayi hi tarraki aur rozgaar ka sadhan dikthi hai (true bhi hai apne country me kaafi had tak 🥲) ki parents se hi push mila hota as unhone to mujhe kisi cheez me accha samjha hi nhi 8-9th ke baad se to meri bhi himmat nahi padi kehne ki I want to make a career out of sports be it in cricket/badminton/swimming as I was good in all & with proper continuous training kisi me to bhdiya zarur se karta but vhi hai 9th ke baad boards aajate hai and fir 12th fir college aur fir naukri bhi shuru ho hi jayegi aur kuch saalo baad mar bhi jaynge but I'll make sure not to strangle the fun of my kids if I ever think of producing after marriage which I don't think will happen as abhi tak to true love mila nahi & I'm not a person who'll think of doing arranged marriage as I'm 22 now & still stuck with my onesided love of class 11-12th whom I loved her with all my might & was pure as whatever you may think of uske baad ek attempt college 1st year me diya(during covid, 2nd sem) but got to know that she's committed to fir kisi bhi opposite gender se aise kisi aspect ke baare me socha hi nhi & abto kya hi milega true love ke naam pe but all these time I still had the soft corner for her but thoda size zarur kam hogya hoga us corner ka but kya kare kaise jayega phla true love jo tha.

So there goes my rant for below average study, upper/middle class background struggling to find his dream & earn a living.

Aisa nhi hai that I'm dumb I know I can do things but I just can't maybe due lack of focus or motivation as I waste a lot of my time on phone & laptop scrolling X/insta etc but I'm good with communication & i definitely have a lot of interest for geopolitics but usse ghar nhi chalta I tried running a insta/yt page for geopolitics related updates but after 4-5 reels i shut that down due to desire for early success same with a gaming channel and yes I do have a thoda bht fear of log kya kahenge specially local neighborhood ke otherwise I don't care about baaki log kya keh rhe.

If something can give early success then I'm all in to carry on with it but kuch to dikhe that Han yahan pe to chal hi jaynge as I want to do business/startup as well ya khud ka bhdiya business ho(not that shop thingy) bhai that's the problem that I want to do a lot things but I end up doing nothing and before you say I should stick with something I fckng don't know what's that one thing.

I know I'm not a mediocre but I've become one due to my fking self & I definitely need a way out which could make me shine & live the life which I desire & definitely give my parents what they deserve for going through everything for my upbring.

Goodnight everyone!