r/Advice•
Tough-Jury8979

I think I sort of hate all my friends, and I'd like some advice.

I like all of my friends in ways, of course or I wouldn't be friends with them, but it's really to feel comfortable sometimes. I'll explain further I know this is vague.
My friends are kind to each other and to me of course excluding friendly teasing, I'm not notably ostracised. The upset I have is the sort of us vs. them approach they seem to build, it's not distinct but it's definitely there. I'll group them into two categories of A and B,
A will actively make fun of people's appearances and stuff, always behind their backs and it's usually just like walking past someone who might be marked a bit bizarre and they'll burst out laughing uncontrollably, or some of the harsher people may actively call people weird or abnormal (still behind their backs), and the rest of it is just sort of meaningless cruelty, such as referring to people as "it" or just today a friend asked a clearly distressed child are you okay in an overtly sarcastic tone and walked away giggling as though the child couldn't see.
B will just be complicit, usually laugh along like it's hilarious or play a neutral ground and not really care.
My two closest friends in the group are of the category B, and when these forms of cruelty distress me I go to them privately and ask if they were bothered or just seek solidarity, and they sometimes express a bit of agreement and sympathy, but they don't actually really care while I get very upset about it, and they will continue to laugh along when the jokes come up. This all makes their sympathy feel a bit performative, or purely to end my complaining.

Maybe hate is dramatic but this bothers me more than I can say, and I love my friends but I also can't stand this but I don't want to be lonely sat on my own to avoid them.
I'm going to uni in about 6 months so I guess it's temporary, but I care about some of these people a lot but I struggle to be friends with them knowing that they're willing to treat people like that.

This isn't the only thing that bothers me but it's the main thing.

Thank you if you've read, I'd just like any advice.

Posted Dec 4, 2025, 9:40 PM UTC

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