Mom is verbally abusive. More so drunk but can be sober as well. This instance is drunk

I’m a 26M, married, first baby on the way. My relationship with my mom has always been rocky. She’s someone who holds long grudges, assumes people are out to get her, and often frames life as “figuring out who your enemies are because you never know who’s going to cross you.” She even said this recently about my Aunt just because she hosted Thanksgiving instead of her this year.

Two days before Thanksgiving, I called my mom because I was anxious about becoming a father. Instead of reassurance, she told me my dreams were over and my wife needs to get a job when the baby is born.

On Thanksgiving eve, things escalated with several comments She said she has no sympathy for someone who’s only had one child, bragged she returned to work three days after giving birth, and implied my wife would be “lazy” if she didn’t do the same. She brought up her inheritance to my wife while I wasn’t even in the room, saying everything is going to my sister. What makes this worse is that I’ve told my mom for years that I don’t want her inheritance at all. She has a history of using the inheritance shes leaving and assets as something to hold over people’s heads, so telling my wife — behind my back felt manipulative, unnecessary, and intentionally hurtful. We were there for maybe an hour before i was like okay we have to go. After dinner i went to shower to cool down and thats where the inheritance comment came. When i was upstairs i could barely stand and see straight i was so mad.
A big part of the tension seems to come from my mom believing my wife is a “gold digger” or out to get something from me, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

The breaking point came when we decided to leave. My mom got in my wife’s face, yelling and pointing her finger at her and blaming her for us leaving. My wife is pregnant and had done nothing to provoke that. I immediately stepped in between and shut that down telling her to shut her mouth before she said something irreversible. We left right as that began.

After everything, I decided I don’t want to go to Christmas. Not to punish anyone, not to mimic her behavior — but because I don’t feel emotionally safe or respected around her right now. I want a peaceful holiday with my wife.

When I talked to my sister, she didn’t call me stubborn outright, but said: “Do you really think acting like her will fix it? You’re kind of being as stubborn as her.” I don’t feel that way — this feels like the first time I’ve truly set a boundary after years of letting things slide. Well technically the second bc when i told my mom we were getting married she did the same shit basically saying she would take me for a ride. And said other nasty things that caused me to walk out then as well.

Now I’m worried I’ll be blamed for “ruining Christmas,” even though I’m stepping back from a dynamic that’s been harmful for a long time.

Should i even let her know we wont be showing up for christmas. Btw my sister has had MANY problems with her even resulting in violence between them one new years when my mom punched her bc she didnt approve of her boyfriend at the time. My stepdad has checked out and simply tucks his tail for her.