Am I a bad person?

So a little context I'm 15F and my mums almost two years dead. My dad was an alcoholic abuser and the state stepped in he's sober now but my siblings were and still are removed from him while I'm in boarding school and I go back to him when I'm on break.My younger siblings are reconciling but it doesn't look very possible that we'll celebrate Christmas at home and definitely not as a family because my older sister is going somewhere else.I dont want to celebrate Christmas with them but I feel like I should for my siblings sake and I probably will but its going to be shit.Now heres the bad person part, I've repeatedly thought why my dad couldn't just fuck off and die so that I wouldn't have to make these choices that will make me miserable.I dread going home, not because he's not trying to change but why now why not when I was younger.