Husband whore shamed me for years online before sleeping with someone who he said threw herself at him

My husband and I met online in 2014 and in person in 2019. I was 17 and he was 18 at the time we met. We had problems online in that he would argue with me, and accuse me of things, including cheating. He blamed me, and things I had done, for all of this. Early on I said I wasn't comfortable being sexual, and my reasons for it, which he eventually questioned and doubted. He became conviced I was lying due to the fact I'd very rarely make dirty jokes amongst my friends, some of which he was witness to. He tried to make dirty jokes with me, which seemed aimed at me, and made me upset.

I asked him to stop and he did only after I called him a pig or a loser. He said that I wasn't being fair to him joking that way with others and not him. And that it didn't make sense I could make such jokes considering how I said I felt. I would've maybe made similar jokes with him had he not previously questioned my reasons, or attempted to cross my boundaries. He did the latter by asking sending me nudes I didn't want, because he thought I was sexual, and that I was lying to him. In actuality I was a virgin, with little experience with the opposite sex.

I was also assaulted by my ex, who used me, and that put me off doing anything along with my other reasons. I used IMVU, the virtual avatar chatting site for years, and made several of my mostly female friends on there. He asked me to stop going on there, and didn't tell me why, until he started to w*ore shame me over how my avatar was dressed. He accused me of flirting with guys on there, guys that were with my friends, or that I didn't even speak to. But it was mostly my avatar that bothered him as if it was a reflection of me, and my character. In real life I was insecure.

I had an eating disorder for years, was overweight, and wore baggy clothes. I also had very bad social anxiety bordering agoraphobia, was semi reclusive, and wore a mask/hoodie when out in public. He knew about all of this. And still I repeatedly defended myself against his, often baseless, accusations and opinions of me. I broke up with him, and stopped talking to him more than once because of all of this. Each time he'd beg me to talk to him again. He'd admit to treating me badly, apologize, and promise to change. I'd talk to him again and it was more of the same thing.

He only left me alone when he was with his ex. Who I found out he was with because he favorited a bracelet with her name on it on Etsy, and I was following his account. When we spoke again, he told me the relationship was over, and had only lasted a month or so. He said he met her volunteering at an animal shelter. He was only intending to be friends with her and invited her to a movie. She felt him up during this movie, and other instances they hung out, and essentially threw herself at him. He didn't want to hurt her feelings so he got into a relationship with her.

She supposedly spoke of kids and marriage weeks in which made him feel uneasy. He told me he wasn't fully attracted to her, she was a bigger girl, and she gained more weight whilst they were together. He still slept with her as to avoid hurting her feelings, and he struggled during it. He grew bored of being around her, realized that she was a rebound, and that he still had feelings for me. He broke up with and she didn't take it well. She slandered him to friends and family, said he was dangerous because he had an interest in serial killers.

He called her crazy and said she had self harm scars on her arms. I said it sounded like he used her, strung her along, and that he didn't like her at all because he said he didn't. He backpedaled and said he liked her but not enough to stay with her. I, out of frustration over the double standards, said she sounded like a s*ut. He said that she wasn't. After we met in person, I reached out to her, and she told me he said he would two time. She was very angry. He was worried she'd start drama. He said that she was lying to make him look bad.

He confronted her and blocked her. Afterwards, he used her against me during arguements, saying he got along better with her. During an arguement over me needing the pill, and him intially refusing to buy it complained about the cost, he said that she bought her own. I found out a few years after we met in person that she was 17 when he was 21. I found a post of hers from a few months before we met, inquiring about volunteering at an animal shelter abroad with her bf, and it made me wonder if he was still with her.

He claimed to have broken up with her a few years before that. A year ago he told me that he over exxagerted what he said online. He said that he was attracted to her, and that he did like her. That made me feel as though he duped me. He even said that he didn't think I'd get back with him if he didn't downplay it. When I threatened during an argument to reach out to her again, and see if she has anything else to say, he said to "leave the poor girl alone." He has since denied that he called her crazy online.

It's always rubbed me the wrong way that he should whore shame me and accuse me of being promiscuous and do what he did, with who he did. He let someone who was a stranger to him feel him up more than once, in public places, and entertained a girl who actually was promiscuous whilst accused me of being that way when I wasn't. He also slept with someone in a short space of knowing them. I know if I went and did what he did he would've never spoken to me again. He criticized me for merely moaning for a friend as a joke.

He says that with me it was different. He was in a relationship with me and didn't want me to act that way. He didn't care about how she acted. Which is, to my understanding, the Madonna-wore complex. He compartmentalizes women. Some of for sex and others, such as me, are for relationships. This is backed up with how he has shamed me for dressing certain ways in person, whilst simultaneously getting more turned on by it, and also oggling other women who are dressed in ways he says are sutty. Something he vehemently denies doing.

He says that he was young, in his early 20s, and that he is a man and what he did was normal. He thinks I'm insane for still being bothered by this, for bringing it up. He says he did nothing wrong, that he was single.