Scapegoat of my family

I have always been the scapegoat in my family. I have one older brother and one older sister and I was the unexpected, unwanted 3rd child. I must have threw off the natural dysfunctional family balance because as far back as I can remember, everything was my fault from a very very early age. I spoke out and didn’t hide like everyone else, so I made things worse, mostly just for myself. My dad was very abusive which led to my older brother being very abusive and my sister learned skills to get her way by winning my mom’s attention, this took unbelievable manipulation knowledge at her young age. There was serious manipulation, passive-aggression and just violent aggression taking place on a daily basis. My dad came home from work drunk. Sometimes he would pass out, sometimes we would get beat with the belt first. When older, we all got out as quickly as we could, I was the first at 17 to move in with my equally dysfunctional boyfriend. Skip to 30 years later and after years of denial, the past creeps back in. I dated someone a few years back that I knew from high school and from the start, the relationship was crumbling. This not so much because of my issues, but more so a weird, almost jealous-anger sort of aggression move to make sure that I would never be in a halfway decent relationship as long as my sister was incredibly unhappy in her relationship for the past 20 years and my brother and his wife had a marriage that died years ago and had was now more of a mother and son dysfunction, rather than wife and husband dysfunction. I’ve tried to be the one to apologize, to always take the blame just to have some chance at a family for my child and grandchildren. I now know there were never boundaries, healthy communication and love. It’s just been a fight for who is right