I’m an alcoholic and I am not trying to be sober

I know the title makes this sound harsher than it is. I’m 26, and I went to rehab when I was 23. At the time I was with a pretty emotionally abusive guy, we were together for about 5 years total, and by the time I was in rehab he was telling me I am a piece of shit every day, he slapped me the night before I went and I went because I felt bad I had “ruined things to the point of deserving that” (obviously no longer agree with this). When I was sober I learned how terrible he was and left him. I stopped doing coke (our drug of choice together for the last year of our relationship). I currently date a guy that doesn’t even like drinking, he’s great and a wonderful partner and we plan on getting married and having kids. Both my parents (and one stepparent, plus my grandparents) are alcoholics. My parents are sober, my dad only within 90 days. I know I want to be sober for my children one day because my dad never could when I was young. This is a ramble because of course I have been drinking. I guess I just don’t know how to do it now… I’m at the age where everyone goes to bars still, and I always assume “when I’m older it will be easier” even though my own boyfriend doesn’t drink. I feel like such a liar and a fraud for not being better. I’m going to a psychiatrist tomorrow to try to at least do something to better myself. I guess what I’m saying is I know that they are gonna know I’m an alcoholic, and I’m uncomfortable having that be my identity with a new professional. I feel like it’s not the whole reason I have problems. I’m not sure. Maybe it is. Sorry for the rant and also if this was a hard read for those who are in here because they are actually trying. I’m just having a hard time caring about my life.