Another Shattered Heart

I feel bad about it, otherwise I wouldn’t be posting here. I wouldn’t call myself insecure in the least, but the same situation seems to come up every time I meet a great girl.

It’s the sexual past thing, I swear I’ve tried to get over hearing about a girls sexual past. I stopped asking about it years ago, there’s never really a great answer. I don’t know if the culture is shifted, but of the six girls I’ve dated this year, they just tell me the weird shit they’ve done in the past during a wild phase and this girl who is really into me: I just can’t see her the same. There’s a lot of stuff I wouldn’t do sexually, to me, it’s bizarre people engage in some acts, these girls seem to tap the things I just find disgusting.

The sex can be great, we can hit it off emotionally, things can be going very well, and then boom: ‘This one time, I blew both of my ex coworkers at the same time.’

I can’t do it man, I lose all respect for them and gently end the relationship. I specifically tell them not to tell me about their sexual past, just what they might want or like.

I’m not uncomfortable with a higher body count, but I don’t want to hear about it, I don’t want to be asked about it. The past is the past, the present leads to the future. I’m fucking tired of these women self-destructing, I can’t view them the same due to a mismatch in values, and then when I gently and respectfully end shit, I either get stalked, harassed digitally, or I can never go back to places I like going like bookstores.

I’m tired boss, I just want a woman whose respects herself like I do myself. I’ll admit, my mother was pretty weird and brutally honest and would unprompted tell me and my siblings about her wild years and it was disgusting shit. I think that left a mark on me young, and as a guy who wants kids someday, I think it’s a huge part of my innate disgust over certain subjects.

This isn’t a gendered issue, I know, I judge dudes equally and I don’t/stop associating with dudes who do weird shit too. Mismatched values and all, and I like my circle of brothers to be a bit morally cohesive.