In love with my best friend

I'm 40 m, demi. She's almost 36.

We dated a ways back. Wasn't very long, but it ended after she was struggling with her own self identity. We fell out of each other's lives after for a bit, even though it didn't end badly. It just hurt me, and she was figuring shit out. We somehow got back into each other's orbit and somehow ended up becoming best friends.

I haven't had feelings really pop up for her, or anyone else really. Like I said, demi, but in also autistic. Dating is usually at the bottom of my list of pursuits. I spent my life around my job, my daughter, my best friend, or gaming.

It's been years since we've been friends. She's been dating someone, met them, they are cool. We hang out regularly. Today, like right now, we're at a bar and... The feelings are there. And I don't know how to turn them off. I don't want to feel like this for her. But part of me really does. We just get along, understand each other, and this fucking sucks.