Ive re-read Shikimori again

This was taken straight from my blog

I vaguely remember, it was that summer when I first began feeling like this. It was a long, lazy holiday, and I had nothing better to do than play games and clear out my manga backlog late into the night. On one particular night, somewhere in the middle of binge-reading, I stumbled across a certain series, just another title I had set aside for later, that would end up changing the way I viewed my life. I was so determined to finish it that I often forgot the passing of time. Within a week, I had completed it.

The first read was… fine. I thought, “Wow, this is such a cozy story that keeps you on your toes until the end.” I shrugged, put it back into the list of manga I’ve read without thinking very much about it.

Fast forward two years, I stumbled upon it again. “Eh, I’ve got nothing better to read. Why not go through it again?” I told myself as I read it slowly this time, enjoying the pace the author had intended. It’s a simple story, really, a boy whose lives has been plagued with constant misfortune meets someone who’d sweep away his bad luck with joy and smiles, ultimately changing his life. It is a very light, comedic, piece of slice of life, nothing too serious.

I began reading it every night, right after finishing work and my nightly gaming session. Sometimes it took an entire evening. Sometimes I could not let go of that sleepiness that I end up sleeping through a chapter, then I would thoroughly re-read it the very next morning when it happens. Until I finished it again, and again, and again, and again.

I kept rereading it, drawn back to the same joyful panels, the same pangs of sadness, the same bittersweet feeling at every ending. Until one day, I paused and thought about myself. There was something about this manga that resonated deeply with me. But what is that something?

Was it a sense of lost youth, something I never fully experienced in my teenage years? No, I don’t think so. Sure, I felt lost, lonely, and miserable back then, but I’ve already moved past that.

Was it the feeling of missing a significant other? Something the boy managed to cherish all the way to the end of the series? Hmm… no. I do miss my ex-girlfriend, if I’m being honest, but that wasn’t it either. I’ve let that go.

So was it gratitude? Something that slips away as you get older? Gratitude toward your parents, knowing they love you just as deeply as the boy’s family loved him? Gratitude toward your friends, who may cherish you more than you realize, just like his friend group did? Gratitude toward yourself for pushing through everything, even when misfortune seems determined to keep you down?
…
Was it your smile that you lost? The smile you haven’t truly shown in the past two years, one that now feels more like a social obligation than a genuine expression of joy?

What struck me the most in the entire series was a certain line, a certain wonderful someone said on this series.

I thought, What a wonderful mindset to have.
Looking back on these past two years, I feel like I could only remember the difficult moments, the misfortunes that kept knocking me down. I always got back up, sure, but it was never fun. I couldn’t even count how many times it happened. And I never smiled through any of it. When I finally overcame a hardship, I never properly thanked myself for getting through it. It was always just another “it is what it is.”

But when I think about it, smiling really is a wonderful thing. Don’t you think so? Being honest with yourself, facing your challenges each day with a smile, it sounds soothing. Because if anything, the one thing misfortune can’t steal is how you choose to respond. You can let it hit you like a train, brush it off like any other day, or you can laugh it away with a smile and say you’ll do better next time.

This will be my last reread for the foreseeable future. It was a bundle of joy while it lasted. It gave me that warm, fuzzy feeling, and left me with a nostalgic, aching sadness at the end. Once again, I’m being forced to say goodbye to characters I’ve grown attached to, but that’s okay. If anything, they’ve reminded me to smile, to give proper thanks, and to keep going. So, to borrow Gigguk’s words, after everything I’ve written, it really comes down to this: I read a manga the other day, and I liked it a lot. It was pretty great—no, in fact, it was perfect.

And I thought I should end it on a good note.
With a smile on my face :)