Ruined my life so I plan to just end it at the end of school

For all 5 years I was in high school I worked my ass off especially in the last 2. Now I’m living on residence at the top university in my country and I’ve done nothing but lay in bed thinking about suicide the whole semester.

I’ve always suffered from depression along with an anxiety disorder however since I’ve moved away and went to Uni all I can think about all day is how much I just wanna die. I went to class for the first month but after that I’ve just been spending my days laying in bed or sitting on my computer drinking and smoking. I’ve taken on over 1k in debt buying drugs and alcohol just to try and feel better but I just feel like a husk all day.

The little schoolwork I’ve done hasn’t even been hard and I got good marks on them; the problem is I just can’t get myself to even open most of the assignments let alone go to class and even try to talk to people. That’s another thing, I have no friends here; I’m AuDHD and with my anxiety disorder it just makes 90% of social interactions a living nightmare so I’ve just kept to myself this whole semester and talked to nobody unless I have too. It’s just made me horribly lonely but now it’s like everyone has already found their groups and people so I just don’t even have a chance of making friends at this point even if I was social.

So basically my parents have paid 30k out of pocket this year for me to ruin any chances of me being accepted back next year, drink and smoke my days away, and lie to them that I’m doing well. At this point killing myself just seems like a service to them and is a much better option than them learning the truth of how I wasted their money.

So the week before the end of year exams at night I’m going to go to the very tall bridge that’s only an hour or so walk away from my school and get rid of the waste that I am.